Can a Father get custody of a Kid if the parents split? For Fathers who are not with the Mother of their kids?
I am a young guy I have tried to make things work with the mother of my kids, she pretty much is illogical, irrational, and impossible to get along with sometimes. It is the worst case scenario for me but I may have to accept that we are not going to make it. It takes two people to be willing to compromise and understand and she is unwilling on all levels. I have had personal property destroyed over silly things such as turning on a light when she wants it off and other silly things such as that. Are their any fathers out there who have been able to get custody in the event the parents split. If not, are you able to be very much involved. Is it hard when the mother meets someone else and they are around your kid all the time?
Thanks
Your current state laws have much to do with how well it goes, or doesn’t go , for you.
In my husband’s case, the mother was proven unfit, unstable, and I’ll use your own words ; illogical, irrational, and impossible to get along with sometimes, and was also proven to have gone to great lengths to alienate their daughter from her father. And yet, when it came down to it (state laws and all of that ), they judge felt that it would be detrimental to remove their daughter from the mother’s custody because she had already had so many changes in her young life.
Yeah, consider that her mother and she had lived in 11 different places within 6 years, and her mother had been through marriages number 1, 2, and 3 in that same amount of time. That IS certainly lots of changes for a young child to live through.
Yet, state law, in California, obviously favors the mother, no matter whether it’s a sound decision or not.
I suggest that you research your own state…… and also prepare yourself for the worst.
Also, if it doesn’t end up going well for you, there are online support groups and advocates for father’s rights.
Anyplace but Y!A…. for some reason, it’s not okay for a father (or his wife) to complain when things don’t go his way in court, they’re just expected to sit down, shut up, and finish the ride.
March 12th, 2010 at 9:56 am
The children’s feelings and emotions are the most critical part of undergoing a divorce process. Kids are the most affected parties in the relationship so every divorcing couple must give extra attention to letting their kids slowly accept and understand the situation. In some cases, using a co-parenting planner (http://4help.to/parenting) is effective and will help the parents and the kids cope up with the situation.
March 12th, 2010 at 10:01 am
You should be able to at least get 50% custody of the child(ren). Full if you can prove her an unfit mother.
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March 12th, 2010 at 10:45 am
you would have prove the mother unfit. Her fits of rage would help solidify that.
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:03 am
I’m not a father… But I’m gonna answer anyways.
My son’s father and I have joint custody of our son. That’s the "normal" ruling you will get when a couple splits and they have a child together – unless one of the parents is unfit (abusing drugs, abusing people, etc).
My son’s father had the opportunity to have frequent and regular visitations with my son. Since this all happened while Johnny was very young (5-6 months old), and he had no idea who his father was, the visitations started with his father coming to my house, where Johnny was comfortable. He would do several visitations there each week, with the amount of hours he had visiting getting longer and longer each week, until finally he was spending all Saturdays with him. At that point, when Johnny got comfortable with his father, then the visitations would slowly start at his fathers house, for just a few hours at a time, and slowly each week he would have longer visitations with him until they got to an overnight visit. At that point, if Johnny was okay with everything, he would start going to his home every other weekend.
Please don’t be like my son’s father and not show up if the judge orders you a graduated schedule like the judge did for my situation. It’s been over a year and my son hasn’t seen his father. Your kids need you in their life
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Unfortunatly my husband just took custody from me…
If he breaks anything or is hostile or unreasonable… start documenting everything. You can even record conversations (in the state of VA it’s legal to record someone as long as ONE person is aware of the recording which would be you… i don’t know what state your in).
Make sure you have a stable job and home life. Don’t drink or do drugs or be violent.
If you can prove the best interest of the children are to be with you, you will get custody or atleast joint… get a lawyer…
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:44 am
As long as you aren’t a psycho or on drugs ect, obtaining 50 percent custody should be no problem. If you can prove her to be unfit then you can obtain full custody but that’s a road you really don’t want to go down unless it’s completely necessary.
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March 12th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Well, I’m not a Father, but I hope I can help. I am a Mother and a stepmother. My husband has full custody of his daughter from a previous marriage. So yes you can get custody of your children. First off are you two legally married? If not then you need to petition for a claim of paternity. Then once you have your tests which proove beyond shadow of a doubt that your’re their father, go and file custody papers against her. Basically whoever files first gets the upper hand in this type of thing. You may not keep it but its a good way to start. Start keeping a journal or log of the incidents. Of her irrational behavior. Does she drink/use drugs? Those are things worth mentioning as well. Depending on the age of your kids they may be able to make a statement about where they want to live. Its an adjustment for everyone involved so yes its hard. It depends on your kids really, the younger they are the easier it is for them to accept a stepmother or stepfather. The most important thing in this: Children are NOT weapons and should NEVER be put in the middle of what’s going on between you and their mother. Try and stay unbiased for their sake. Remember that regardless of what the mother has done to you to your kids she’s Mommy. Try not to talk bad about her in front of them and she shouldn’t speak badly of you in front of them either. If the situation is bad enough for her to be physically destroying things then its not a healthy realationship, and its certainly not a healthy environment to raise children in. Good luck!
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Mommy of a 23 month old boy and Stepmommy of a 6 year old girl. Watched my husband fight for custody of his daughter and win.
March 12th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Fathers do, sometimes, get full custody, but it still doesn’t happen very often and, if it does, it’s usually because the mother is completely unfit. Most of the time, these days, custody courts opt for a joint custody situation, unless they believe that one of the parents will potentially cause harm to the child’s well-being.
It does take two to compromise and, while I don’t know the whole story, your ‘light switch’ one leaves me wondering why you didn’t respect *her* wish to have the light off? Compromise starts with understanding and respecting the other person’s take on things, so that both sides can end up satisfied with the outcome.
My husband co-parented with a very difficult, unwilling ex-wife for 12 years, before she defied the joint parenting agreement one step too far (moved out of state & refused his parenting time). At that point, he brought it back to the courts & they reversed primary residence. His then-14yo daughter moved in with him full-time.
During those 12 years of co-parenting, he avoided interacting with his ex as much as possible. He adhered to the joint parenting agreement as best he could, regarding his parenting time, regarding respecting his daughter’s right to a stress-free positive relationship with both parents. He parented her, fully, when she was with him. And, he tried to be as involved as possible (without pushing mom to crazy behavior) in things that could not be compartmentalized, like schooling, health & dental.
It’s not easy, but parenting is challenging, anyway, no matter what other parents are involved in the child’s life. In the case of parents who are not romantically involved, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about that past interpersonal relationship altogether, when interacting with the other parent and, instead, treat it as a parenting partnership that cannot be changed. You’re stuck with this co-parent -and- you’ve got a personal responsibility to parent as best you can, given the parenting partner you’re stuck with. Go forward from there, trying to make the best of the situation you (and your children) are in.
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March 12th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
My dad had primary custody of us. We only saw my mom on most weekends and holidays. It all depends on who is better able to take care of the children.
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March 12th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Unless she is a unfit parent, you would not win full custody.You could however, very possibly win 50/50.
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March 12th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Your current state laws have much to do with how well it goes, or doesn’t go , for you.
In my husband’s case, the mother was proven unfit, unstable, and I’ll use your own words ; illogical, irrational, and impossible to get along with sometimes, and was also proven to have gone to great lengths to alienate their daughter from her father. And yet, when it came down to it (state laws and all of that ), they judge felt that it would be detrimental to remove their daughter from the mother’s custody because she had already had so many changes in her young life.
Yeah, consider that her mother and she had lived in 11 different places within 6 years, and her mother had been through marriages number 1, 2, and 3 in that same amount of time. That IS certainly lots of changes for a young child to live through.
Yet, state law, in California, obviously favors the mother, no matter whether it’s a sound decision or not.
I suggest that you research your own state…… and also prepare yourself for the worst.
Also, if it doesn’t end up going well for you, there are online support groups and advocates for father’s rights.
Anyplace but Y!A…. for some reason, it’s not okay for a father (or his wife) to complain when things don’t go his way in court, they’re just expected to sit down, shut up, and finish the ride.
References :
March 15th, 2010 at 1:09 am
I’m a 43 year old man on my second marriage. I have two grown kids from my first marriage and a 21 month old son from my current marriage. I am currently legally separated. I filed for divorce and sole custody. My wife is 13 years younger than I am. She has three other kids by three different men. She does not work and worked as a waitress part time when I met here and collected child support. While we were married, she started smoking marijuana and hanging out all night. She was arrested for marijuana possession about 10 years ago and convicted. She was taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation after attempting to commit suicide 8 years ago. This past summer she punched me in the back of the head and in the face after I took a knife from her because I thought she was going to hurt herself. She was forced to leave, criminal charges were filed along with a protection order. One judge threw the protective order out because he felt that it was an isolated incident. The judge in criminal court found her not guilty because he said that he didn’t believe that she was trying to hurt me. I believe I was a victim of the reverse role syndrome; a male can’t be a victim of assault by a female. It’s wrong but it happens all the time, unfortunately.
Last year, she sent her 13 year old daughter to live with her grandparents because she was misbehaving. She sent her 8 year old to live with her father because she wanted to do other things. Two of the three fathers collaborate with me regularly and are going to testify on my behalf regarding the issues that they have had with her. Their grandmothers are going to testify, as well. My ex-wife is going to testify on how good of a father I am and how we always worked together with our kids.
She has attempted to blackmail by keeping my son from me for long periods of time to attempt to get me to sign over custody to her. She has also used my son to attempt to blackmail me to give her money so she can acquire an attorney. All of this is being presented to the judge. She has recently filed for emergency custody and temporary alimony. I had to agree to her terms of child exchange in order to get him at all. Once I got him, I told her that I would bring him to her in three weeks since she has kept him from me for so long. She has attempted to restrict my access to him to a couple of days at a time. Since I have kept him for this long, she has filed for emergency custody and accuses me of attempting to flee the state with him. I own a home in the same state and do not plan on moving anytime soon. She suffers from paranoid delusion. She has been diagnosed as bipolar but refuses to admit it and is not getting treated. Her father was schizophrenic.
With all of that said, what are my chances of actually winning custody of my son as a father? After I drop my son off to her, I know that she won’t let me see him again until the custody hearing in June. How should I proceed? We have mediation this week. She wants me to agree to Tuesdays and Thursdays with me. I pick him up on Tuesday night at 6pm and drop him off Wednesday at 8am. The same for Thursday and Friday. Then, alternate weekends. I don’t agree with that exchange because it requires 5 exchanges a week which will total 60 exchanges until we get to court in June. I don’t believe in shared custody. I believe that it is not healthy for the child. Also, she has stated in an email that she wants him so she can get free schooling, WIC, and free daycare once we’re divorced. She wants to have my son on state assistance when I have a good six figure salary and a good home that he was born in. I am retired from one career (police officer) and am a manager in my current career. I am stable financial; don’t use drugs–never have; not an alcoholic–drink casually; not abusive–I live and die for my kids.
Again, what are my chances here? I do have an attorney who is very aggressive. What are her chances?
Sorry for so much detail! I just want to get as much honest feedback as possible. Don’t worry! I am following my attorney’s advice. It would just help me a bit to have some feedback from people from the outside who don’t know either of us.
Thanks
August 28th, 2011 at 3:05 am
I am living with my girlfriend of 3 years, we have an 11month son. She has 3 sons from previous marriage and I have 2 sons from previous marriage I am 41 and she is 30. My sons live with their mother 25 miles away me and ex get along well and we communicate well for our 2 sons when me and my ex split up we had 50/50 until about 4 years ago when I moved. The plan was for me to move back 1 1/2 ago and we would then have 50/50. But my girlfriend ended up pregnant and plans changed. The problem is not my ex. Its my girlfriend we just can’t get along. She irrational,selfish,she doesn’t treat my sons well (one time she locked herself in the room for weekend and got mad @ me because I stayed with my sons in living room and said that I did not pay attention to her and our son) her 3 boys get scared of her mood swings and we all walk on egg shells. What are my chances to get 50/50 custody of our son. By the way when we do split up (because it is certainly going that way) I will move back to my 2 sons town (same county). and they will live with me again 50 percent of the time. Sorry for long letter but I need help and any suggestions are greatly appreciated